Mental Health – Erin of the Hills

A Glimpse

Posted on March 23, 2025March 22, 2025 by Erin of the Hills

For years I functioned fairly well in the world, but I had an underlying sense that I was fooling people, and I was driven to achieve in order to counter that suspicion. And when I was with other people, would avoid dropping my guard out of fear that they would glimpse the real me and blow my whole act to pieces. – No Bad Parts, Richard C. Schwartz PhD.

Have you ever read something so heart wrenchingly personal that you immediately feel the writer was actually addressing you? It’s happened to me before but never as intensely as when I read that quote above. I’m still a little shaken by it, to be honest. It could have been written by me.

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Marvels and Possibilities

Posted on June 2, 2024 by Erin of the Hills

And then another thought floated in there, sneaking in while I was feeling so open to wonders and marvels and possibilities: maybe that means there’s a path for me too, a plan that won’t fail, and I just haven’t found it yet. – Shauna Robinson, The Banned Bookshop of Maggie Banks

Hello dear readers. It’s been a while.

When I look at how long ago I published my last post (January), I feel a shudder of disappointment in myself and my lack of commitment to this corner of the internet that I have so lovingly built. As these waves of self-doubt start to overwhelm me, I have to fight to keep my head above these murky waters and remind myself that it’s OK. I am OK. No, wait, I’m better than OK. And I’ll tell you why.

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Solidarity Sunday #17: Struggle

Posted on November 5, 2023 by Erin of the Hills

We live each day as if it were merely a rehearsal for the next.
Muriel Barbery, The Elegance of the Hedgehog

Do you ever feel as if at the end of every day, no matter what you have gotten up to, you didn’t manage to do much at all? As if time has moved forward but you have not?

In this age of infinite productivity, it’s hard to truly relax without constantly thinking about all you should be getting done. At least that’s what I struggle with most.

When I’m feeling overwrought mentally, for whatever reason, I get stuck in this space of wanting to check things off my never-ending list to keep myself distracted and yet being unable to find the motivation to do so because, well, I’m overwrought already.

It’s like I know what I want my day to look like and how to spend it in such a way that will be most helpful for my mental health but instead I spend said day merely rehearsing in preparation for when I will really live the day I wish to…which is not helpful or productive.

So what am I trying to say? Well, I’ve been struggling lately, and I know I’m likely not alone in this. So I thought I would write about what it feels like to be in this rehearsal mode and how I’m hoping to get out of it. I hope, at the very least, this might help someone out there to feel less alone. Because in this world filled with over 8 billion other souls you are never, ever truly alone. I hope that is a comforting thought rather than a creepy one…

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Solidarity Sunday #15: Self Love

Posted on September 3, 2023 by Erin of the Hills

In life you have to learn to count the good days. You have to tuck them in your pocket and carry them around with you.
Richard Osman, The Thursday Murder Club

My goodness, it has been quite a while since I wrote a Solidarity Sunday. I thought for a time that I would retire this series since, well, hopefully the pandemic is well and truly behind us (for the most part). However, who says we all still can’t use some solidarity once in a while? Our world is certainly crazy enough right now to call for it…

So, I’m going to continue this series for the foreseeable future. I mean, let’s face it, we aren’t going to be living in a perfect utopic paradise any time soon.

I’ll tell you what. The day we solve climate change, gender inequality, all the nefarious isms, hunger, violence, poverty, and homelessness…I’ll consider this series retired.

Now, let’s move from the big picture to the detailed and talk about the most personal subject of all: Self Love.

**Do butterflies struggle with self-love? Doubtful. (Photo: ErinoftheHills)**

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Reading Roundup: February 2023

Posted on March 5, 2023 by Erin of the Hills

The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.
Dr Seuss

Where oh where did February go and how is it already March?

As with all of the grandest of ambitions, I hit a snag with my writing goals last month when we were hit with not one, not two but 3 different illnesses one after the other (I know, I know, perfectly normal when your kid starts preschool but STILL). Couple that with my 4 month old going through an also-perfectly-normal-developmentally sleep regression and, well, we were definitely in survival mode.

As I’m still recovering from the latest cold, I’m going to go easy on myself this week and publish my reading roundup and I’ll get back to the other content next week (hopefully).

Send all the healthy vibes our way – we need them!

One thing I did manage to do despite being sick was read. And boy did I ever read. In fact, according to Goodreads I’m 3 books ahead of schedule for my 2023 reading goal! Considering I read the bulk of my books in November and December last year…it’s safe to say I’m currently pleased as punch at this development.

So, without further ado, here are some fantastic things I read this month. Enjoy!

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Finding Joy in Winter

Posted on January 15, 2023 by Erin of the Hills

There was something else, some current of joy that ran among the members of the family, unseen but lively as electricity.
Diana Gabaldon, Drums of Autumn

I’ve always been told that January is a dark month. Not only literally due to the overall lack of sunlight but emotionally, all of us pushing through the deep, discouraging cold of Canadian winters to the promise of warmth and new hope in the Spring.

Now, I’ll admit, there have indeed been some hard winters in my life. Those depressingly cold and lonely months in the depths of the pandemic (yes, still not over, but there is finally light at the end of that particular tunnel), the winter I was trying to decide whether or not to leave my cushy office job for the hopefully-better-for-my-mental-health unknown, the winter I spent far away from my family and friends in Holland (OK, that one was not all bad).

Even in the easier winters, there have been dark times. It’s hard not to feel a bit depressed when the sun goes down before you’ve even broken free from your work day. Though I may be a self-professed night owl, I still need a good dose of vitamin D on the daily to keep myself sane. As one who finds inspiration staying up far later than is advisable for today’s get-up-and-go lifestyle, mornings are made even harder without the brilliant sun coaxing even the most tired of creatures (me) out of bed. I’ve never been a fan of waking up to more darkness. Is anyone?

However, even with all that said, I’ve got to say…This January (already half over!) has hardly been dark at all, despite the lack of daylight hours.

Don’t believe me? Read on for some things I’m finding myself grateful for this January – and maybe you’ll find something to be grateful for too.

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Resolving 2023

Posted on January 1, 2023 by Erin of the Hills

Embrace the glorious mess that you are
Elizabeth Gilbert

So, it’s 2023. It’s 2023! Where did 2022 go? Anyone else feeling a bit discombobulated on this, the first day of the new year?

It has been 11 months since I last posted something here. Eleven whole months. When I spoke that out loud to my husband this morning I could hardly believe it. And yet, here we are.

When I was trying to think of why I hadn’t sat down to write in so long (despite my usual New Year’s resolution to do so every single day…or, at least more often) it only took one quick glance to my left at the peacefully snoring little one there to remind me why.

I didn’t write much at all last year because, well, I wasn’t feeling up to it. Why, you might ask? Well…because most of my energy was necessarily taken up in the act of growing the newest member of our family. Eleanor Rita Roberta Gurski Savoie was born two weeks early on October 14th, 2022, coming swiftly into this world after a mere 5 hours of labour. Of course, we are over the moon (as is her big sister Aria) but as pregnancies are not easy for me, the worthy cause of giving her life was pretty much all I could handle for 10 months. Well, that and making sure her older sister also had all the food, sleep, fun and love she needs and deserves every single day.

But here I am, again. I will always return to writing, no matter what life throws at me. Writing is a part of me, a big part, and something I miss terribly when I’m not doing it. However, as a wise friend recently reminded me, there are seasons for everything in life and perhaps being a mother of two young ones is not the season in which I will do the most writing. And that is OK.

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Solidarity Sunday #14: Miscommunications

Posted on February 14, 2022February 14, 2022 by Erin of the Hills

It seems a common human failing to prefer the schematic authority of a text to the disorientations of direct encounters with the human
Edward Said, Orientalism

How many months are we into this pandemic? How many years? I’m honestly not sure at this point but I think it is roughly as old as my daughter so 2? Or just about? Years that is…

If you’re even remotely in the same headspace as me, it feels like the past 2 years (did I get that right…?) have been one never-ending screening of groundhog day.

With one main exception.

No, I’m not talking about the lack of Bill Murray’s dry sense of humour. I mean, I’m sure most of us have developed a similar outlook on life over the course of this constant strain on our psyches. I’m also sure that most of us have had the desire to run outside at some point yelling WHAT ABOUT BOB?! … er… ME?!

Oh, right, wrong Bill Murray movie.

But I digress

*This little guy gets a bad rap. How is he responsible for winter’s length? Photo by Doug Brown on Pexels.com*

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Reading Roundup: November 2021 – January 2022

Posted on February 6, 2022 by Erin of the Hills

I noticed years ago that when people (myself definitely included) are anxious they tend to busy themselves with irrelevant activities, because these distract from and therefore reduce their actual experience of anxiety. To stay perfectly still is to feel the fear at its maximum intensity, so instead you scuttle around doing things as though you are, in some mysterious way, short of time.
John Cleese, So, Anyway…

Yet again, something I read resonated in such a visceral way that it could only have possibly been written just for me…or so I felt!

Though, perhaps this quote doesn’t just speak to me. Perhaps, just maybe, so many of us have been feeling the need to keep as busy as possible (mostly on our phones) over the past two years in order to avoid as much as we can the pervasive anxiety brought on by living through a global pandemic.

I know my own pandemic experience is not everyone’s but I have definitely realized over the last month or so of reflection that while I likely have more time now than I would have in more normal circumstances (even if I only take into account our lack of social outings), it feels like I am constantly running out of it.

Yes, I know, parenting is busy and I have heard time and again from parents that they don’t know what they did with all their time before they had kids. And they’re not wrong, I definitely feel that. But the absence of playdates, activities, dinners with friends, appointments, etc. etc. etc. should, logically, mean that even with kids to look after…we have more free time, no? So why in heaven’s name does every day fly by at the speed of light and end with me thinking I’ve accomplished nothing?

I agree with Mr. Cleese. I likely feel this way because I’ve spent all day focusing on largely irrelevant tasks in order to distract myself from the overwhelming anxiety of making it through this pandemic with my health, sanity and relationships still intact. No wonder my phone is never out of sight… Homescapes, after all, manages to feel productive while being nothing of the sort. I mean, I am helping Austin renovate a house after all. Who cares if my real life house is a mess??

I’m not sure if this counts as irrelevant task or not, but I have been somehow keeping up with my rather intense pace of article and blog reading (though perhaps at the expense of my ability to get through books in a timely manner…) and thus, without further ado, I will share with you all of the wonderful bits of less-than-immediately-relevant information that I have stuffed in my brain in an effort to crowd out the anxiety.

Did this method work? … I’ll get back to you on that.

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Resolving 2022

Posted on January 9, 2022 by Erin of the Hills

The pandemic is like being a ghost – you see the world, remember being in it and wish you were in it again.”
George Saunders

Well, dear reader I’m back. How are you? How were your holidays?

Mine? They were…different. After finding out on December 23rd that we had been in contact with a positive case of Covid, and considering all three people in my household were sick, we ventured out on Christmas Eve for the glorious gift of having swabs stuck up our noses.

Now, I say that with some sarcasm but the ability to get tested was a gift indeed. We just didn’t know it at the time. Read on.

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