Reading Roundup: October 2023

“Speak to your darkest and most negative interior voices the way a hostage negotiator speaks to a violent psychopath: calmly, but firmly. Most of all, never back down. You cannot afford to back down. The life you are negotiating to save, after all, is your own.

Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic

I’ll admit, this has not been a great month for writing. In fact, it has been downright dismal. What a wonderful time, therefore, for me to come across my favourite lines from Elizabeth Gilbert’s brilliant Big Magic to remind me how unnecessary and, perhaps, even downright harmful it is to denigrate myself for having such an off month.

I mean, think about it. What do we gain from beating ourselves up so? Who wins in that battle? Certainly not the self being harassed. And not even the self doing the harassing. So…basically…no one wins. My husband often tells me that the worst part about me beating myself up is that he can’t confront the person bullying his love because, well, that person is also his love (albeit a very mean version of her reserved exclusively for self-flagellation).

So, this is me talking to that negative being who lives inside of me: shush you. That’s how hostage negotiators talk…no?

I may not have managed much writing this month but oh boy did I ever manage a bunch of reading. This is going to be a long one! So, get cozy with a nice hot drink and come on a journey with me through the very best of what I read in October.

Articles

Makeup is out, grey hair is in: the week it became cool for women to look their age. By Viv Groskop

I remember distinctly when I noticed my first grey hair. It was just after I started dating my husband back in 2016. I was in my late 20s and I wasn’t quite sure how to feel. Society had been drilling into me from an early age that grey hair was only for the old – and even then only if they had truly given up on their appearance. Celebrities in their 60s graced magazine covers, albeit rarely, with nary a grey hair in sight as if they were immune to the normal process of aging. I hadn’t truly died my hair for a few years at this point, and I really liked the look of my natural colour, but I remember immediately wondering if now was the time to start dyeing again – if only to not look older than I was. In the end, I decided against it. But not without an internal battle that still rages on today…perhaps until now. It’s really nice to see people being honest about what the ageing process entails (even if, perhaps, they have gotten other work done in the past to look younger). Because, really, is it anything to be ashamed about? Every day we wake up to living is a good one – grey hairs and all.

And yes, there is something depressing too about the fact that 70 years after Simone de Beauvoir wrote The Second Sex, we still consider it to be “courageous” if a woman appears in public under the same conditions under which a man of any age appears in public (ie, washed and wearing some clothes).

Viv Groskop

The couple who bought a crumbling Scottish villa – by accident – and turned it into a holiday let. by Duncan Craig

This article almost seemed like the setup for a Fall-mark movie. And certainly one I would watch. The only difference being that the two protagonists are already a couple at the beginning. Obviously, if this were a cheesy romantic comedy, they would need to be enemies-who-eventually-fall-for-each-other-and-become-lovers. Or, at the very least, strangers whose opposite personalities lead to attraction. But this is not a Fall-mark movie or a blockbuster romance. It’s real life. But if someone decided to make a movie of it? I’d totally watch it.

From there, a couple of miles south-west, is one of Cal and Claire’s best tips: the wild beach of Kilbride Bay, where betrothed couples, oddly oblivious to the name, have been known to get married.

Duncan Craig

The Norwegian secret: how friluftsliv boosts health and happiness. By Rachel Dixon

I’ve written on this blog a lot about my challenges when it comes to settling in to parenting (does one ever settle in? Or is it entirely new every single day?). Having started my parenting journey only a few short months before we descended into the pits of the global pandemic and associated isolation, I feel as if I’m still playing catchup some 4 years later on how to best approach this all-encompassing role. One of the habits that was surprisingly strong during the lockdowns and which has become puzzlingly weak since our world has opened up again just happens to be one I consider incredibly important: spending time in nature. During the pandemic, when both my husband and I were home, we would regularly get out for 3 walks a day. Sometimes even 4. Rain or shine or sleet or heat it didn’t matter. We were out enjoying and experiencing nature. I suppose it is no surprise that Aria (our eldest) would happily live outside if we let her. Now? I spend most of every day in our living room. One room of the whole house. Why do you ask? I have no idea. This article, however, was an important (and timely) reminder of why getting outside is important. And, crucially as we live in a country with four seasons, getting outside in all kinds of weather. So, with you all as my witness, I am committing to time outside with the kids every day – rain or shine. After all, there is no such thing as bad weather (except, of course, natural disasters). Only bad clothing.

You don’t have to go to a forest; you can go to a park. You don’t have to walk far, or fast; it’s just about being there…Sit on a rock, listen to the birds, look around and try to root again.

Bente Lier

‘I call it botanarchy’: The Hackney guerrilla gardener bringing power to the people. By Damien Gayle

Oh, gardening. The most elusive of hobbies. Will I ever manage to turn my thumb green? Or is it destined to forever remain, if not black, at least a mottled grey? Perhaps as a way of mourning my lack of horticultural skill I seem to have a great love of reading articles and blogs about gardening. This one in particular was an inspiring read: gardening for freedom and the health of the planet? Yes please! If lockdown wasn’t enough to get your hands in the dirt give this one a read. I guarantee you’ll see every patch of dirt in your neighbourhood in a new light.

I see it all as fighting for the same kind of thing really: a world where human habitats are more filled with nature than they are deprived of it, and where there’s equitable access to nature.

Ellen Miles

Are women getting angrier? Maybe they’re just giving themselves permission to show it. By Pragya Agarwal

I have had many different conversations about feminism over the years with many different people. It seems that the terms “feminist” and “feminism” have gotten a bad rap. And I think a large part of the reason is that angry women make people uncomfortable. When a woman gets angry, she is called “overly emotional”, “pissy”, “PMSing” and many far more offensive things. When a man gets angry, he’s expressing a perfectly normal emotion. I’m not saying that this dichotomy always plays out as such but…more often than not it’s pretty accurate. How often are women’s stronger emotions blamed on their hormones? How rarely are men’s stronger emotions blamed on the same despite the fact that they too, gasp, have hormones? It’s incredibly frustrating. So, I’ll say it now and I’ll say it proud. I’m a feminist. And an angry one at that. I’m angry that a pay gap still exists (WHY) and that it is even more pronounced for people of colour. I’m angry that rape culture is still so prevalent and largely targets women and transgender individuals. I’m angry that I’m still expected to apologize and give a good reason if I decide to turn a man down. I’m angry that I need to explain all these things, along with such gems of advice as “lock your car the moment you get inside” and “walk with your key between your knuckles at night in case someone attacks you” to my daughters. I’m angry and I don’t want to be. I want to feel free. Thank you for coming to my TED talk. Now read this article.

And there is so much to be angry about. While women are becoming more comfortable with the many layers of their anger, it is doubtful whether we can change the social scripts that angry women are “disgusting” and “pathetic” or hysterical unless we change the message that exists all around us like smog: that women’s anger is unnatural.

Pragya Agarwal

‘If you ain’t got love, you’ve just got chicken wings’: how food helped three chefs start again after prison. By Sonya Singh

Just recently, I listened to a podcast detailing the abysmal deficiencies of the US prison system (if you’re interested, the podcast is called Dark History and it is brilliant) and by the end I felt an overwhelming sense of helplessness. How are people supposed to go on to live happy, healthy, productive lives after having been through such a horrible experience? It’s a system that dooms people to dip in and out of it until the end of their lives. What purpose does this serve? Other than the obvious racist one of punishing people of colour for, well, their colour. But guess what. These people who have been marginalized and brutalized because of the colour of their skin? They’re brilliant and kind and better than those who would seek to keep them down. And this article is just one example of many of how they are fighting back.

I’m not a unicorn…If we give opportunity to people, more times than not, people will rise to the occasion.

Chef Keith Corbin

The Queenmaker. By Erin Somers

Earlier this year, I finally got around to reading Taste by Stanley Tucci. And what a wonderful book that was. The way he described food and how central it was and is to his life was equal parts mouthwatering and heartwarming. Part of what made his prose so beautiful, apart from the incredibly detailed descriptions of food, were the innumerable passages in which he praised his wife Felicity Blunt (yes, she is indeed Emily Blunt’s sister). However, despite his effusive admiration for her intelligence, kindness and wit, I admit that her own biography did not interest me as much as his family recipes for various pasta dishes. Until now. This profile is an excellent deep dive into what it means to be a literary agent (once a dream job of mine until I realized I would prefer to be the literature writer) and how one can excel at the job. And once you’re done checking out this article, be sure to pick up Taste. Though not on an empty stomach.

Blunt had read widely and without snobbery all her life.

Erin Somers

How a team of Shropshire villagers rallied to save their local pub. By Jessica Murray

I have a dream (I know, I know, another one?!). This dream is to open a Cafe/Bookstore in the little town we now call home. Now, some have suggested what we really need is a local pub. And I don’t disagree. However, I’m not sure that I’m the person to create and run this very specialized business. And I moved here too late to save the local watering hole which closed not that long ago. But the people in this article? They saved theirs as a collective with very little relatable prior experience. And they did a spectacular job. Need some inspiration to chase your dreams? Read this!

We don’t want people to think of its as ours – its ours as a village. We’ve had people passing by and asking if they can come and look around and we say: ‘Well it’s your pub just as much as ours

Sean Kinson

On Witness and Respair: A Personal Tragedy Followed by Pandemic. By Jesmyn Ward

A warning: this is a hard read. Even as we are (hopefully) on the other side of this pandemic…this article brought me right back into the thick of the fear, the hopelessness, the anxiety. Personally, this essay came to me at the exact right time. I was having a hard week and struggling to be grateful for all that I have. I was feeling overwhelmed, tired, overwrought and overworked. I couldn’t see the forest for the trees and I felt so alone. And then this article…it reminded me of all the incredible, loving people I am so lucky to have in my life. Of the simple exquisite peace of my husband’s arms wrapped around me. Of the comfortable and life-affirming warmth of my children cuddled up to me. Of the extraordinarily healing balm that is my family and friends. I can’t imagine life without any of them – I can’t imagine what Jesmyn Ward went through. But I can read her story and sit with it and remember how full my life is. How lucky I am to be able to write without the distraction of a broken heart. And how lucky we are that we made it through the pandemic largely unscathed. How lucky we are.

My commitment surprised me. Even in a pandemic, even in grief, I found myself commanded to amplify the voices of the dead that sing to me, from their boat to my boat, on the sea of time. On most days, I wrote one sentence. On some days, I wrote 1,000 words. Many days, it and I seemed useless. All of it, misguided endeavor.

Jesmyn Ward

Blogs

Beyond Beautiful: The Benefits of Planting Wildflowers. By Transatlantic Notes

Earlier this year, my eldest daughter and I went out to the backyard and sowed some wildflower seeds we had gotten as a baby shower favour. I had no idea if they would sprout or not (see previous paragraph about my lack of gardening ability) but I thought they were worth a shot. At the very least, my daughter loved throwing them into the dirt and sprinkling them with water. And guess what. They grew! And they’re delightful. Even more importantly, my daughter loves to point out her flowers with pride. It’s honestly one of my favourite memories of this year and for that reason alone I had to recommend this blog. Come for the wildflower beauty, stay for the useful tips and tricks! Oh, and add wildflower planting to your gardening list for next year. You won’t regret it.

Wildflower species are found across the globe, and they contribute to the beauty and health of the places we live in. Absolutely everything is connected, and while it can feel at times like not enough is being done, find solace in creating spaces for something restorative to bloom. Be a champion for planting things that do good for the planet and for our souls. Wildflowers are an essential part of the natural world; cherish them.

Transatlantic Notes

ARE CO-OP BOOKSTORES THE FUTURE OF BOOKSELLING? By Susie Dumond

As previously mentioned in this post (and probably several other times on this blog), I would really love to one day open a bookstore in our small town. Aside from my love of books, as both a reader and a writer, I hope this would become a community hub where people can gather with a hot drink and a good book (or two). One of the biggest challenges I can see myself facing is a financial one: how to get the business off the ground? This blog post might provide the answer. In a Reading Roundup filled with inspiration, this might provide even more. You’re welcome!

But somehow, booksellers keep fighting back. When the coronavirus pandemic threatened all kinds of brick-and-mortar small businesses, bookstores adapted by offering curbside pickup, delivery, and outdoor pop-up options. Readers rallied around their community stores and fought to keep them open.

Susie Dumond

Books

Holy moly, this might be my longest post ever! I told you I did a lot of reading this past month. However, I’ll be honest in saying that most of my reading was in the form of articles and blogs. My book tally is embarrassingly small in comparison. OK, so maybe that’s my negative internal voice talking – at least I managed to read some books!

So, in the interest of not dragging this blog on too much longer, I’ll simply list the books I read and what I rated them. And, hopefully, I’ll get back to writing proper reviews eventually…a girl can dream, right?

Without further ado…

The Book Eaters was my only Five-Quill read this month (and what a read…seriously such a unique concept). As per usual, the Bridgerton books got only a generous Four-Quills (I just can’t get past the ick the male characters give me on the regular) as did Lincoln in the Bardo (despite the fabulous audiobook performance by a full cast). All-in-all, not a bad month for books after all!

OK, I promise that’s it for me for now. I’m off to give my negative interior voice a good talking to. And, if you happen to have a particularly vocal one as well, I suggest you do the same.

Until next time remember, whatever your negative self says, life is beautiful.

xo Erin