Category: Mental Health

A Glimpse

Posted on by Erin of the Hills

For years I functioned fairly well in the world, but I had an underlying sense that I was fooling people, and I was driven to achieve in order to counter that suspicion. And when I was with other people, would avoid dropping my guard out of fear that they would glimpse the real me and blow my whole act to pieces. – No Bad Parts, Richard C. Schwartz PhD.

Have you ever read something so heart wrenchingly personal that you immediately feel the writer was actually addressing you? It’s happened to me before but never as intensely as when I read that quote above. I’m still a little shaken by it, to be honest. It could have been written by me.

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Marvels and Possibilities

Posted on by Erin of the Hills

And then another thought floated in there, sneaking in while I was feeling so open to wonders and marvels and possibilities: maybe that means there’s a path for me too, a plan that won’t fail, and I just haven’t found it yet. – Shauna Robinson, The Banned Bookshop of Maggie Banks

Hello dear readers. It’s been a while.

When I look at how long ago I published my last post (January), I feel a shudder of disappointment in myself and my lack of commitment to this corner of the internet that I have so lovingly built. As these waves of self-doubt start to overwhelm me, I have to fight to keep my head above these murky waters and remind myself that it’s OK. I am OK. No, wait, I’m better than OK. And I’ll tell you why.

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Solidarity Sunday: Nostalgia

Posted on by Erin of the Hills

In life you have to learn to count the good days. You have to tuck them in your pocket and carry them around with you.”

Richard Osman, The Thursday Murder Club

I’m not sure if I’ve used this quote in an earlier blog post and apologies if I have (I’m far too lazy to go back and check) but god I love the thought of carrying the good days around with me for when I need them most.

Now, I know I’m incredibly lucky in the beautiful life I have. There are far too many people in this world suffering in truly horrific ways and I am certainly not one of them. That being said, I do have my struggles and some days I feel inexplicably down despite all my numerous blessings. And I’m learning to be OK with these lows because without them the highs would seem infinitely less so.

As part of this process of becoming comfortable with my various emotions, I’ve learned to savour the moments in my life which are undeniably happy. Having been thoroughly enjoyed, I do tend to tuck these moments away and recall then when I’m feeling sad or hopeless. They really do help me to climb out of these dark ruts and back towards the light.

But what about the title of this post, you say. Isn’t nostalgia different than a positive memory? You’re right, brilliant reader. It is. Nostalgia is defined as a wistful or excessively sentimental yearning for return to or of some past period or irrecoverable condition. Usually this means a sanitized and likely inaccurate memory of a time when everything was simpler and worry-free. So not quite the same thing as a genuinely happy experience which you tuck away for future comfort.

But what about when nostalgia and pure joy collide? That, my friend, is the sweet spot. And something I experienced just this past week…read on for a tale of unbridled joy and much-needed music therapy. And a little life lesson, lovingly offered, for good measure.

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Solidarity Sunday #16 – Perspective

Posted on by Erin of the Hills

Life is the most wonderful fairy tale.

Hans Christian Anderson

Now, I already know what you’re thinking when you read that quote (I know, presumptive of me, right?). You’re thinking…Wait, Erin, life is most definitely not a fairy tale. Fairy tales end at the Happily Ever After and we never see what comes after. Real life is everything that comes after with all the struggles, challenges, disappointments and suffering that comes with it.

I mean, Hans Christian Anderson’s “fairy tales” were notoriously dark so…hopefully he didn’t mean that kind of tale. But I digress.

Hang with me for a second.

Because it’s thanksgiving weekend here in Canada, but not only because it’s thanksgiving, how about we try shifting our perspective on life a little bit. Because, yes, life can be hard (and much harder for some than others often because of circumstances completely outside their control). But it can also be delightfully, deliriously beautiful. Much like a fairy tale.

Having had a rough week with a sick preschooler and a teething infant, I desperately needed this reminder right now.

So, let’s shift our thinking and see if we can’t find the fairy tale aspects of our lives, shall we?

Once Upon a Time…

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Solidarity Sunday #15: Self Love

Posted on by Erin of the Hills

In life you have to learn to count the good days. You have to tuck them in your pocket and carry them around with you.

Richard Osman, The Thursday Murder Club

My goodness, it has been quite a while since I wrote a Solidarity Sunday. I thought for a time that I would retire this series since, well, hopefully the pandemic is well and truly behind us (for the most part). However, who says we all still can’t use some solidarity once in a while? Our world is certainly crazy enough right now to call for it…

So, I’m going to continue this series for the foreseeable future. I mean, let’s face it, we aren’t going to be living in a perfect utopic paradise any time soon.

I’ll tell you what. The day we solve climate change, gender inequality, all the nefarious isms, hunger, violence, poverty, and homelessness…I’ll consider this series retired.

Now, let’s move from the big picture to the detailed and talk about the most personal subject of all: Self Love.

Do butterflies struggle with self-love? Doubtful. (Photo: ErinoftheHills)
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Finding Joy in Winter

Posted on by Erin of the Hills

There was something else, some current of joy that ran among the members of the family, unseen but lively as electricity.

Diana Gabaldon, Drums of Autumn

I’ve always been told that January is a dark month. Not only literally due to the overall lack of sunlight but emotionally, all of us pushing through the deep, discouraging cold of Canadian winters to the promise of warmth and new hope in the Spring.

Now, I’ll admit, there have indeed been some hard winters in my life. Those depressingly cold and lonely months in the depths of the pandemic (yes, still not over, but there is finally light at the end of that particular tunnel), the winter I was trying to decide whether or not to leave my cushy office job for the hopefully-better-for-my-mental-health unknown, the winter I spent far away from my family and friends in Holland (OK, that one was not all bad).

Even in the easier winters, there have been dark times. It’s hard not to feel a bit depressed when the sun goes down before you’ve even broken free from your work day. Though I may be a self-professed night owl, I still need a good dose of vitamin D on the daily to keep myself sane. As one who finds inspiration staying up far later than is advisable for today’s get-up-and-go lifestyle, mornings are made even harder without the brilliant sun coaxing even the most tired of creatures (me) out of bed. I’ve never been a fan of waking up to more darkness. Is anyone?

However, even with all that said, I’ve got to say…This January (already half over!) has hardly been dark at all, despite the lack of daylight hours.

Don’t believe me? Read on for some things I’m finding myself grateful for this January – and maybe you’ll find something to be grateful for too.

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Casualties of Life

Posted on by Erin of the Hills

“Pierre sometimes felt like an emergency room physician. People streamed through his door, casualties of city life, lugging a heavy World behind them. Broken by too many demands, too little time, too many bills, emails, meetings, calls to return, too little thanks and too much, way too much, pressure… It wasn’t servile work they did at Manoir Bellechasse, Pierre knew. It was noble and crucial. They put people back together. Though some, he knew, were more broken than others.” – Louise Penny, The Murder Stone

This is not going to be an easy post to write but part of me feels like I have been waiting most of my adult life to do just that. I promised an explanation for why I had been so absent from this blog, so here goes.

I suffer from anxiety. Not as crippling as it could be perhaps, but disruptive and intrusive nonetheless. There, I said it. I tend to refer to my anxiety with the more generic title of “emotions” to make it seem more manageable but it’s time I call it by its real name.

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