Solidarity Sunday #15: Self Love

In life you have to learn to count the good days. You have to tuck them in your pocket and carry them around with you.

Richard Osman, The Thursday Murder Club

My goodness, it has been quite a while since I wrote a Solidarity Sunday. I thought for a time that I would retire this series since, well, hopefully the pandemic is well and truly behind us (for the most part). However, who says we all still can’t use some solidarity once in a while? Our world is certainly crazy enough right now to call for it…

So, I’m going to continue this series for the foreseeable future. I mean, let’s face it, we aren’t going to be living in a perfect utopic paradise any time soon.

I’ll tell you what. The day we solve climate change, gender inequality, all the nefarious isms, hunger, violence, poverty, and homelessness…I’ll consider this series retired.

Now, let’s move from the big picture to the detailed and talk about the most personal subject of all: Self Love.

The idea for this post came out of a rollercoaster of a week. Have you ever experienced this? One day you feel like you’re on top of the world, getting all the things done, taking care of yourself and those around you, and smiling all the while.

Suddenly, you wake up the next morning with a headache, a to-do list long enough to defeat even the most robust of constitutions and a preschooler and baby who simultaneously both also seem to have woken up on the wrong side of the bed/crib (or, you know, who are behaving in wholly appropriate ways for their developmental stages but who is capable of such logical gymnastics with a headache and an overabundance of stress hormones).

And even if the next day is fabulous again, you find yourself spending a solid chunk of it beating yourself for any “failings” you ascribe to yourself from the day before.

You didn’t exercise.

Your kids watched too much TV.

Screens in general were omnipresent.

You were short-tempered.

You had fast-food for dinner because you just couldn’t handle one more tiny task.

Your to-do list, for all your complaining about being overextended all day, remained pristinely untouched.

And no amount of Mary Poppins-level enthusiastic parenting will make you stop giving yourself grief for who you were the day before.

Sound familiar? (PS. If you’re not a parent, insert any responsibility that requires you to be “on” instead).

This was me on Friday. Feeling like crap and berating myself for what I saw as everything I was doing wrong. Which was, well, everything.

And then? Something clicked. It may have been my 3.5 year old daughter softly asking me if I was frustrated and if I needed to rest. It may have been my 10.5 month old daughter’s aggressive kisses. It may have been my husband (should I put his age to? To complete the pattern? Shh, 35, Shh) telling me for the umpteenth time how incredible he thinks I am. Or it may have just been that I was so tired of listening to the bully inside my head.

Whatever it was, I decided enough was enough.

You know what would be incredible? If the voice I heard in my head was as kind as the voice I hear myself using when my friends are feeling down. And, well, why can’t it be? It’s my voice after all, whether its internal or external.

So I’m going to try something new. I’m going to try speaking kindly to myself. And cutting myself some slack when needed.

I’m going to try treating myself with the same kindness with which I treat others. I’m going to stop calling myself a failure and remind myself that everyone has down days and that there is nothing wrong with this.

Didn’t exercise? I’ll rest today and exercise tomorrow.

Kids watched too much TV? We’ll do a screen-free day tomorrow. (Also…they will be fine).

Screens in general were omnipresent? I’ll aim to put my phone in phone jail for blocks of time tomorrow.

I was short-tempered? I’ll sit down with Aria (3.5 years) and explain to her that Mommy was having a bad day and that’s why I had less patience. And I’ll apologize and explain how I will try to do better.

I had fast-food for dinner because you I couldn’t handle one more tiny task? I’ll take some time to meal plan and get excited about homemade meals for the rest of the week.

My to-do list remained pristinely untouched? Scratch out the date at the top and write tomorrow’s date. Even better? Split up the list over the next few days.

There. Nothing too earth-shatteringly damaging after all.

And as for those bad days? They’re going to happen. But if I keep enough good days in my pockets for such occasions, I just might make it through the worst of them unscathed.

After all, I have the greatest ally in myself. And with a lot of self-love and patience, I can face anything.

Remember, even on the hard days, life is beautiful. And so are you.

xo Erin

What about you? How do you deal with bad days? Do you struggle with Self-Love? Let me know below!