“It’s possible that a hidden symmetry is often at work as we stumble our way through life.” – Elizabeth Hay, Alone in the Classroom
There are so many things about life that never cease to amaze. It feels like only yesterday I was last here, stumbling my way through a maze of past feelings and thoughts to try and convey them intelligibly to those who choose to read my words. And yet, here we are more than a year later and I am finally returning to the written word. What a year it has been.
I have sat in my desk chair in my new apartment, what feels like my new life really, for over an hour trying to figure out how best to start again. How can one re-enter a mindset that seems at once familiar and foreign – as if it belongs to another version of oneself that floated away on the tide of life never to return while a new version took its place? And yet, there does seem to be some kind of hidden symmetry – like the ocean that appears wild and uncontrollable and yet its constant ebbs and flows are necessary to keep the earth’s equilibrium aligned. Similarly, there is some sort of current to our lives that manages to keep us on our life’s course while the occasionally undertow may cause us to temporarily float adrift for a day, a month, a year.
In this year alone (and one that is not over yet) I will have competed for and won a permanent job concurrent to my field, moved in with my partner whom I love very much, welcomed my first nephew (any day now!) and celebrated the 150th birthday of the country that I love so dearly. To me, this has already been what one would call a banner year. And yet, I have traveled, read, exercised, cooked and written less than any other year in my adult life so far. Somewhat of the balance of life has been shifted, and at times I have certainly felt myself to be stumbling.
Yet through all these ups and downs, and the emotional roller-coaster that has accompanied it all, I can honestly say that overall I have never been happier. And in these quiet moments at my writing desk that once belonged to my Uncle Paul (a fellow-writer), sipping contentedly on coffee while I flip through my book of written word fragments I have admired over the years, I feel like some hidden symmetry has inevitably brought me back to the passions I have never stopped enjoying.
I don’t think the wild undertows of life will ever stop dragging me in all kinds of directions, on occasion, but as long as I know I’ll always end up back in the comfort of my happy place – my life’s passions – everything will be all right.
There are so many more stories yet to tell and I plan on telling them all. Stay tuned and stay patient. I know my posts have not been very regular but I do think they follow the ebbs and flows of my own life, and I have never been one to follow anything but my own beat. After all, another word for Symmetry is Rhythm.
Never forget, this crazy life is at the very least, beautiful.